Your mouth is God's brothel.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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