please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
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I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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