I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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