I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize