Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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