the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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