do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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