I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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