Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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