First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
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He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
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If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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