god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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