Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
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The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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