Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Call meee

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...

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(603): Call meee (781): Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now... http://tfl.nu/j06g

Replies (3) Good night (1606) Bad night (407)
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(863): View more from Florida

Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!

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(863): Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/werm

Replies (9) Good night (767) Bad night (1775) Order T-Shirt
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(951): View more from California

I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?

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(951): I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right? http://tfl.nu/4fsw

Replies (22) Good night (2341) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
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(518): View more from New York

WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!

(315): View more from New York

... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...

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(518): WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?! (315): ... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher... http://tfl.nu/j2jz

Replies (19) Good night (1391) Bad night (4395)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?

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(978): is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl? http://tfl.nu/dwko

Replies (47) Good night (5403) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
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(956): View more from Texas

And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.

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(956): And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice. http://tfl.nu/wqun

Replies (43) Good night (756) Bad night (3336) Order T-Shirt
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(815): View more from Illinois

He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?

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(815): He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing? http://tfl.nu/c8yk

Replies (36) Good night (6081) Bad night (1304) Order T-Shirt
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(559): View more from California

The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.

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(559): The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway. http://tfl.nu/e3fd

Replies (7) Good night (2525) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
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(573): View more from Missouri

I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

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(573): I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use." http://tfl.nu/1qa0

Replies (8) Good night (5436) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
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(479): View more from Arkansas

No that means he must've used the nipple clamps

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(479): No that means he must've used the nipple clamps http://tfl.nu/kmo2

Replies (4) Good night (1931) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.

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(+44): He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning. http://tfl.nu/9kly

Replies (5) Good night (3799) Bad night (502)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

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(717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g

Replies (17) Good night (7132) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.

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(612): Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start. http://tfl.nu/wabc

Replies (3) Good night (352) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
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(406): View more from Montana

You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.

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(406): You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock. http://tfl.nu/e7xz

Replies (8) Good night (808) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
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(864): View more from South Carolina

Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah

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(864): Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah http://tfl.nu/n16g

Replies (2) Good night (595) Bad night (117) Order T-Shirt

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