Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She bit a glass in half.
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i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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