You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
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when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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