I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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