how can u be prego again
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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