You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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