There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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