on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
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you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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