Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize