so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
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he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
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also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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