sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize