i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
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Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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