so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
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Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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