you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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