Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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