mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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