youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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