so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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