ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
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Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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