they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize