Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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