Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize