You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
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I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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