remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
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At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
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Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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