Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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