stop calling my apartment porn island.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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