the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
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