The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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