Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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