I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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