i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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