even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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