I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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