So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
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That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
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All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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