I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You did what with his pubic hair?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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