Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize