At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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