I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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